This issue of The Chariot is NOT an accurate representation of teachers, students, and events at New Hyde Park Memorial Junior-Senior High School. Any resemblance of actual events is PURELY coincidental. All of the articles above are fictitious. If you have any problems with this humor, feel free to slide into our DMs (@saanvi_mirchandani and @livw.ong) and let us know, even though you probably won't even read this.