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Need Hair? Look to Brusca and Maltese

By #1 Stats Fanboy

New Hyde Park is no stranger to entrepreneurial spirit. That was made evident when math teachers Mr. Brusca and Mr. Maltese started their hair growth brand, named Logarithmic Locks. Logarithmic Locks began six days ago, but now grosses over [REDACTED] dollars per fortnight.

Logarithmic Locks sells 10mL vials of essential oils that are claimed to increase hair growth by 1700%. Mr. Brusca and Mr. Maltese devised the formula for this miracle product under the helpful guidance of ChatGPT. When asked about their newfound success, both teachers simply swirled their fingers in their hair. 

Their company’s blog states, “Logarithmic Locks is actually the best. The hair growth is so unparalleled that we ran the statistics (Literally what we get paid the big bucks for), and we are 95% confident that the hair growth increase from our product is between 3 and 24 inches.”

Logarithmic Locks has three celebrity endorsements, which can be found on their website here.

“My success today would not have been possible without Logarithmic Locks. No one in Hollywood believed me when I told them I was all-natural! Can you believe that? I attribute every hair on my body to Logarithmic Locks,” the Lorax said.

“Even though I keep my identity secret, there is one thing I can tell all of Gotham. I have great hair, and it’s all thanks to Logarithmic Locks that I can fight crime with confidence,” Batman said. 

“My hair makes me a baddie, and Logarithmic Locks gave me my hair. Actually, I copied my hair from Brusca. Grah Grah.” world famous rapper Ice Spice said.

Source from

Notorious entrepreneurs Vincent Maltese and Robert Brusca are awarded best hair, at the Annual Hair Awards.

Starting next year, Mr. Brusca and Mr. Maltese will be co-teaching a class “Entrepreneurship: The Right Way”. The course is slated to contain all the steps to start a business, starting with multi-level marketing all the way to outsourcing labor. 

(Logarithmic Locks founder Robert Brusca owns The Chariot)


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