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Schoolie Slay

By Fiona O'Reilly

A lot of people wonder what keeps NHP running at such a high caliber. What are they feeding these kids?!?! The answer is simple: meals engrained deep into NHP culture. Meals that run through the veins of NHP. Meals that make Gladiators, Gladiators. That meal: that meal is schoolie.

“Now, I’m a schoolie feen...”

NHP’s “schoolie munchers” sprint to the cafeteria every day in hopes of getting to the front of the schoolie line. This line wraps around the entirety of the senior high cafeteria, as students await the crafting of their personalized sandwich. The sandwich bar is a fan-favorite for schoolie munchers. Students pick amongst an arrangement of sauces (chipotle mayo and honey mustard), meats (chicken patties, both spicy and crispy, and cold cut ham and turkey), and cheeses (provolone, American, and occasionally Swiss). Unfortunately, NHP schoolie does not yet have a meatless meat option, and thus NHP’s vegetarians are left with a hefty stack of cheese.

“Tbh, it’s so dumb. I want a meatless option,” schoolie muncher Gianna Bonetti said.

After building the hardy base of one’s schoolie sandwich, students can choose a variety of toppings such as lettuce, tomato, three small slivers of jalapeño, or one thin slice of pickle.

Some students don’t get sandwiches; they choose from a variety of schoolie’s other options.

“Nothing’s better than the one day a year when schoolie serves Yardbird chicken sandwiches,” fifth year schoolie muncher Brandon Noguera said. “It’s like Christmas morning.”

“I like to keep it simple,” said occasional schoolie muncher Grace Leonard. “I’m a big fan of the fan-favorite tater tots.”

“The schoolie mac (mac n cheese) is so good. I’d eat it every day if I could,” five-year schoolie muncher Julia Lopez said.

So, what started this schoolie craze? Some say it was COVID.

“When schoolie was free because of COVID, I got hooked,” Lopez said. “Now, I’m a schoolie feen.”

“It’s like a pipe-line,” schoolie muncher Marco Valle said. “It starts with forgetting your lunch and getting fries. Next thing you know, you’re shamefully standing in the schoolie line everyday awaiting your second schoolie slice of pizza, knowing damn well your parents wouldn’t be proud of you spending all of your allowance on schoolie.”

Source from an anonymous schoolie feen

Pictured above: the schoolie pizza in question, alongside schoolie tots, schoolie milk and limited edition schoolie donut/munchkin.


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